Late winter ramblings

I’ve found myself feeling very anxious and unsettled these past couple of weeks. I think it’s a combination of many different things going on in my life-the thought of returning to America and my old life, which in many ways doesn’t exist anymore and was in the process of disintegration when I left anyway, what I’m supposed to do with an  international relationship and if it can possibly work for us in the long-run, trying to make it out of Korea with my dignity and sanity intact , and planning my future attempts at more artistic and academic endeavors is altogether making me feel run down and uncomfortable. I spend hours reading and writing  and thinking about what’s next, and I have this feeling hanging over me that, at 25, I should have accomplished more by now. What the “more” is is completely unquantifiable. I’ve done things that many people have only dreamed about or put on some life lists of things that will never be completed, or at least not until the kiddies grow up and they’re in retirement, and I think it’s fair to say that 25 isn’t all that old in the grand scheme of thing, but really, I get so tired of having to start over every year and figure out what’s next. Never was one for the picket-fence, 9-5 for 30 years kind of thing, but stability has it’s strong points for a romantic soul like mine. I’ve been unable to tie myself down to a regular mortgage-paying type of job State-side, and my wanderlust also keeps me from staying in any international locales for longer than a year. Where does that leave me? Everywhere and nowhere, grateful, unsatisfied, anxious, nervous, hopeful, eager, tired, and if I’m honest, lost. Alone and wandering, and striking out again onto the next path. But first, home.

5 thoughts on “Late winter ramblings

  1. Dave

    괜찮 아, whenever I have feelings like this I try to use them tell me what I’m missing or what’s going wrong in my life and try to change it. I’m not sure it’s ever really worked though.

    I’m no help!

    Reply
  2. lindseymathews

    i love your writing. this post especially (despite the negative aspects of your situation). you should just get a job with the travel channel writing blogs about your experiences. seriously. i admire your writing.

    Reply
    1. yelhsa2114 Post author

      Thanks Linds! Geez, you’re makin me blush all the way over here in Asia:) But really, that means a lot to me…thank you.

      Reply

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