It is late, past my usual, oh so adult bed time, and this, combined with the lilting melancholy of tunes coming from my little plasticized companion and accompanied by a brain deadened from hours of lesson planning has made me more contemplative than usual. Why is it that when we need sleep the most we can’t get there? Anyone figure that out yet? Oh yeah. Stress and stuff. I remember.
So tomorrow I have a thing at work, an observation by my boss in one of my classes. And the fact that my training and expertise thus far have taken place in all countries that aren’t England has led me to be a bit more nervous than usual, with a few hours spent looking up the CELTA-fied versions of language used in America, the one I’m used to, just to make sure I’m doing things right. I have to give her a written up plan with lots of details on it. Nothing too perplexing, but enough to get the jitters, you know? I don’t know if anything is riding on this observation, or if it’s just a run of the mill thing. I wish I did know though, so I could decide whether to worry or not.
My peripheral life has suddenly become filled with tragedy in the past few days. And it breaks my heart a little. How is one supposed to cope with that, with the loss felt by others? Not close enough to get the full effect, but close enough to set the world on edge and act as a reminder of the futility of so many things. Not that I’m trying to get all nihilistic up in here….I’m just thinking. Sometimes bad things happen and we can’t help it, and all we can do is be there for those who need us, and hope that someone will also be there when the inevitable bitch slap of life comes our way, as it does. But then again, things can be so very beautiful.
Next month I will return to Ohio for the first time in 9 months. It’s weird to take a holiday to something you still call home, isn’t it? I think so. Two weeks of being a fish out of water. Much loved water, it is, though.
A mish-mash of emotions if ever there was one. I hope you’re taking care of each other.